Jacob Frey Googles “How To Get A Funko Pop Of Yourself??!” For Fourth Time Today
MINNEAPOLIS — Mayor Jacob Frey has reportedly been ignoring meetings, morning agendas, and other duties…
Politics
Tim Walz To Loosen Restrictions So He And His Band Can Play One Final Show
ST. PAUL — Governor Tim Walz is yet again loosening COVID restrictions, puzzling many as…
BREAKING NEWS: Some Dude Named Jacob Keeps Asking To Be Made Fun Of
Minneapolis — With 2020 done and Trump out of office many hope 2021 will bring…
Frantic Jesse Ventura Calls Tim Walz At 3 AM Asking If He’s Been Feeding The Feral Clone Left Living In The Walls Of Governor’s Manson Since 2003
ST PAUL — An audibly distressed former governor Jesse Ventura called current governor Tim Walz…
Statewide Ban on Asking ‘How Are You?’ To Go Into Effect Friday at Midnight
SAINT PAUL — Governor Walz announced last evening that due to this unprecedented crisis, asking…
Walz Assures State That Safety Is Number One Priority During Construction of Giant Pollution Tube
ST PAUL — In a press conference earlier today, Governor Walz assured the public that…
Eagan Mom Emotional, Relieved Racism is Finally Over
EAGAN — Eagan mom Tori Severson is one of many individuals who have expressed insurmountable…
Secret’s Out: Jacob Frey Confesses He Is Actually a Quarter-Zip Fleece Accidentally Brought to Life by a Witch
MINNEAPOLIS — Mayor Jacob Frey made a shocking confession at a surprise virtual press conference…
Despicable Bigot Sitting At Computer Just Waiting For Ilhan Omar To Tweet ‘Merry Christmas’
ST CLOUD — Craig Whitman, 48, has been refreshing Ilhan Omar’s twitter page on his…