Politics
Melvin Carter Laying Awake Nervously Wondering When Local Satire Site Will Inevitably Turn On Him
ST. PAUL — Despite having downed a calming mug of hot chamomile and dressing in…
Jacob Frey Excited To Start Governing Now That Whole Racism Thing Over
MINNEAPOLIS — Following the guilty verdict in the Derek Chauvin trial, Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey…
Intricate And Outdated Mode Of Governing Cool Now Because We Got To Keep 8 Seats
After Minnesota avoided losing a Congressional representative in a massive political upset last week, we…
Mayor Frey Rifling Through Closet of Performance Fleeces to Find Which One Best Conveys That He is Listening and Learning
MINNEAPOLIS — While the jury deliberates on a verdict for Derek Chauvin’s trial, Mayor Frey…
Jacob Frey Googles “How To Get A Funko Pop Of Yourself??!” For Fourth Time Today
MINNEAPOLIS — Mayor Jacob Frey has reportedly been ignoring meetings, morning agendas, and other duties…
Tim Walz To Loosen Restrictions So He And His Band Can Play One Final Show
ST. PAUL — Governor Tim Walz is yet again loosening COVID restrictions, puzzling many as…
BREAKING NEWS: Some Dude Named Jacob Keeps Asking To Be Made Fun Of
Minneapolis — With 2020 done and Trump out of office many hope 2021 will bring…
Frantic Jesse Ventura Calls Tim Walz At 3 AM Asking If He’s Been Feeding The Feral Clone Left Living In The Walls Of Governor’s Manson Since 2003
ST PAUL — An audibly distressed former governor Jesse Ventura called current governor Tim Walz…
Statewide Ban on Asking ‘How Are You?’ To Go Into Effect Friday at Midnight
SAINT PAUL — Governor Walz announced last evening that due to this unprecedented crisis, asking…
Walz Assures State That Safety Is Number One Priority During Construction of Giant Pollution Tube
ST PAUL — In a press conference earlier today, Governor Walz assured the public that…