Governor Walz Extends Winter Until July

In a further attempt to limit the spread of the coronavirus, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz issued a new executive order that moves the start of spring from April to July.

“While we understand that this may bring a lot of hardship, we know that once temperatures get above 50 degrees, Minnesotans mindlessly flock to the outdoors like moths to a flame” said the governor at a press conference.

“That’s why we’re reinstating the miserable, frigid conditions that make this state the 7th circle of hell for the better part of the year” Walz continued.

MN Republicans Criticize Walz’s Blatant Attempts to Save Lives

The day after Minnesota Governor Tim Walz announced a stay-at-home order devised to slow the spread of COVID-19, members of the state’s Republican party are lambasting what they see as the Governor’s clear bias towards preserving human life.

“It’s just unconscionable” said Republican Senate Majority Leader Paul Gazelka, “Governor Walz is not even trying to hide his concern for the lives of Minnesotans. Time and again, he…