Every single boyfriend across all 87 of Minnesota’s counties simultaneously stopped what they were doing today to forlornly stare off into the distance and wish harder than they’ve ever wished before that they could be beloved comedian and advertising pitchman Fancy Ray McCloney.
The otherworldly phenomenon occurred around 8:19 PM and lasted for exactly 7 minutes.
“My boyfriend was washing a bowl in the kitchen when all of a sudden, I heard it shatter on the floor and he started gazing out of the window without blinking,” said Bloomington girlfriend Emma Sanborn, “he was muttering to himself something about ‘the best looking man in comedy’”.
“You could search the land and scour the sea in pursuit of a man as handsome and suave as Fancy Ray but you’d come up empty-handed,” said distraught Hibbing boyfriend Theo Swansen, who was commuting at the time and had to quickly pull over to the side of the road the moment the desire to be Fancy Ray overtook him. “If I could be even a fraction as beautiful as him for even a second, I would be content”.
Fancy Ray could not be reached for comment because Nordly staff were too in awe of his overpowering finesse to bother him with our petty, earthly concerns.