EDINA — Plopped down at a table inside The People’s Organic, Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey opens up a tab that he’s been putting off for too long—an application for a Sales Associate position at the North Face store in Edina’s Galleria.
“He had the application window open basically the entire time I was there,” said barista Annalise Harris. “He’d do that thing where he’d blow out his cheeks and lean back in his chair like he was working really hard and wanted people to notice. But the only time people really looked at him was when he leaned back too far and fell out of his chair.”
With Minneapolis city elections just days away, witnesses have confirmed that Mayor Frey has started weighing his job options if he doesn’t win his reelection campaign.
“He kept assuring me every five minutes that the North Face store was definitely a ‘back up plan’ and that he just wanted to do the application to ‘flex his application muscles’,” said cafe patron Sam Huber. “But I don’t know, the look on his face is how I’d imagine he’d look if you told him like craft beer had just died or something.” Huber finished.
Huber confirmed that Frey was “sighing a lot” and delaying completing the application because he was too busy trying to figure out how to spin a mechanical pencil on his hand.
Other bystanders recounted Frey reading off the job’s qualifications:
“‘Ability to genuinely and comfortably engage with a diverse group of customers?’ Uh, this guy right here! ‘Can regularly interact with the public in an often crowded and noisy interactive store environment?’ Chugga, chugga, here comes the Frey Train!” said the Mayor, tossing a crumpled up wad of napkin towards the garbage can that instead landed in someone else’s coffee.
“It’s just kind of sad,” said Harris. “I’ve never seen anyone trying this hard to look confident.”
At press time Mayor Frey was still at the cafe 15-minutes past closing, hitting submit on his application with such force that he bruised his finger.