Local Man Fears Reminding Scumbag Wisconsin Friends to Vote


ST. PAUL, MN – Overcome with a sense of guilt and frustration, St. Paul resident and political activist Cody Scott fears that reminding his trashy Wisconsin friends to vote may be counterproductive. With the 2018 Midterm Elections just days away, Scott has canvassed for his local politicians, asking total strangers to vote on November, 6th but refrains from telling his closest hometown friends and loved ones to do the same. “Curly, D-Train, Knucks: these are great people, my oldest, dearest friends. We had great times growing up in Wisconsin. But I’m pretty sure they’d vote for absolute monsters.”

Citing recent reports of still crushing light beers and mild misogyny, Scott believes his reservations for reminding his garbage friends to vote are appropriate. “Look I know it’s my job as a citizen to encourage others to vote and I shouldn’t engage in any active voter suppression, but man my friends are shitheads.” Despite his assertions, sources say Scott has never had a political conversation with his hometown friends, but doesn’t want to take the chance. “I can just tell they are the kind of people that, like, laugh with Trump, I don’t know maybe they’ll just forget?”