Moooooore Rights: State Fair Miracle of Birth Center Animals to Unionize

Photo by Matthias Zomer

ST. PAUL — With the Great Minnesota Get-Together in full swing, many fairgoers may be surprised to know that their favorite attraction is in jeopardy. The Miracle of Birth Center animals have joined the picket line. 

“We are sick and tired of the poor working conditions in this hellhole. It’s like a pig sty here! And I would know.” says lead organizer, Kendra Bacon, “not to mention, it’s in bad taste to have the Pork Chop on a Stick stand so close to where I give birth. If I hear one more ‘circle of life’ joke I will scream.” 

Other animals are requesting mandatory breaks, larger cages, and pumping rooms for mothers. Some are even demanding that at least 1 human be added to the exhibit. 

“Not trying to yuck anyone’s yum, but why do you want to look at our vags so much? Can’t you just have sex education in your own schools?” questions Betsy the Cow, “Also, if you could stop calling us ‘heifers’ that would be great.”

Officials of the state fair have yet to comment on the potential strike, but have promised to move the Pork Chop on a Stick and All-You-Can-Drink-Milk stands near the horse building.