Springtime Heralds Annual Migration of Dads in Construction Vests To Local Bike Paths

Photo by Kampus Production

MINNEAPOLIS — Spring is here, and thus begins the long-awaited return of dads biking around the cities in oversized yellow construction vests. 

Residents in the metro area are advised to keep a lookout for these brightly colored and slow-moving middle-aged men, who insist on donning safety vests despite having zero experience in actual construction work. These dads also have several distinct vocalizations, including “Who cares how I look?”, “I got it at Menards,” and “Maybe I want people to see me, honey—that’s the whole point!”

“It’s important not to provoke them,” says local expert Dave Finch. “They are aggressive, especially when someone suggests another less dorky method of ensuring visibility, like a horn or reflective lights, or when their teenage children insist on never being seen with them in public again, because how embarrassing.”

These dads in vests will continue to flock to bike paths until the end of summer, when they will force their entire families to wear matching neon orange T-shirts at the State Fair to make sure they all stay together.