Hundreds of Minnesota’s finest gentlemen gathered outside the State Capitol building today demanding that they be the first to receive the recently approved COVID-19 vaccine, ahead of such groups as frontline healthcare workers and long-term care facility residents.
The men were, as always, adorned in the finest velvet top hats, ivory rimmed monocles, and exquisite tailcoats made from the skins of long-extinct mammals.
Accompanying the gentlemen were butlers made to hold gold-plated mahogany signs reading “Give us the vaccine!” and “We deserve it!”. With their hands free to twirl their jewel-encrusted canes, the fancy men strutted about, muttering “Tut tut” and “Oh this won’t do!”.
“We are absolutely essential to the functioning of society,” said one of the group’s organizers, Dr. Colonel Phineas Mustard II, while puffing from a foot-long Full Bent Billiard tobacco pipe. “Without us fancy men, who would frequent our great state’s secret underground sex parties?”
“I believe it’s only fair we be given the vaccine first, what with all the money, dinosaur bones, and mysterious floating tesseracts we’ve brought to the state,” said Sir Reginald Beef, whose great grandfather amassed a fortune after inventing the word “Cliche.”
“And I agree!” squawked Edward Morrison, a Turquoise-Fronted parrot that Sir Beef acquired on a riverboat excursion down the Amazon.
The governor has yet to respond to these impassioned pleas, but history suggests the state could very well oblige.
At press time, the fancy men had put on their hunting gloves, mounted their thoroughbreds, and begun chasing a passing dog, which they’d mistaken for a fox.