There’s a ghoulish feud brewing in Minneapolis that Ryan Murphy couldn’t even begin to adapt. A potential graveyard smackdown years in the making that could throw the entire music industry out of sync–the Andrews Sisters have challenged HAIM to a duel from beyond the grave again.
The ghosts of the popular 40’s and 50’s swing singers, The Andrews Sisters, LaVerne, Maxene and Patty, were awakened from their eternal rest with the rise of another group of three singing sisters; Danielle, Este and Alana Haim of the band HAIM.
“I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again!” announced Patty, lead vocalist and noted mezzo-soprano of the Andrews Sisters communicated to the Nordly via crystal orb. “We gotta set those three human borzois who fell prey to reefer madness and lack of woolen skirt suits straight! ”
The souls of the Andews Sisters were hurled back into the spirit realm with the release of HAIM’s first single, “The Wire” in 2013 and they’ve been threatening to fight the three living singing sisters ever since.
“Jimminy Christmas, those sentient Madewell mannequins couldn’t find a three-part harmony if it were a pair of slacks in a skirt factory,” LaVerne confirmed with us. “Bet your bottom dollar that by the time we have enough greenbacks to travel to Californie we’re going to give those two-timing tinny trollops the boogie-woogie-bugle-BEATING of their life!”
“According to the ancient rules of Ghost Dueling, we’re not allowed to necessarily mortally maim HAIM as that would immediately send us to Hell ,but boy, we can still kick ‘em in the shins,” Maxene shared with us. “Besides, what do they need all that leg for, hmm? Women aren’t supposed to be that tall! Like my father said, girls are good for singin’, cookin’ and lookin’ after little ones. And from what I can tell, they’re not good at any of those things!”
While it may be hard for their come to fruition, one thing is for certain—the Andrews Sisters will never give up their undead dream of kicking HAIM’s ass.
“We won’t rest until those flat-toned floosies put down their ee-lectric guitars and back off the stage” Patty said, in parting. “If you can can’t handle the Andrews, get out of the sisters.”