PRIOR LAKE — As local woke dude Eric Sorenson led eight of his loudest buddies off of the party bus they rented for the night as part of a bachelor party, he stopped the group outside the doors of Mystic Lake Casino to read a prepared statement acknowledging the indigenous people who inhabited the area.
As best man for his childhood buddy Tony Wyman, Sorenson was charged with planning the bachelor party festivities, which also included an escape room, shots, and lap dances. But after reading a couple instagram posts, Sorenson wanted to make sure this night of debauchery was still respectful of the Native American community.
“Before we tear it up at the blackjack tables, I just wanted to take a sec to give props to the indigenous people who once lived on these lands,” said Sorenson of the Shakopee Mdewakanton Sioux who operate Mystic Lake Casino and still live on their land.
The rest of the bachelor party took long drags from their vape pens as Sorenson continued to read from a piece of crumpled notebook paper.
“You know, the Mayflower guys and Chris Columbus really did some not cool stuff to Native Americans here. And that’s, like, really messed up. So pour one out for the Shakopee Middie-wa… Mindy Wakiton… Sioux,” said Sorenson, who was starting to slur his words, “mad respect.”
At press time two members of the bachelor party had vomited on blackjack tables and another punched a slot machine so hard that it shattered the glass.