Jacob Frey Excited To Start Governing Now That Whole Racism Thing Over
MINNEAPOLIS — Following the guilty verdict in the Derek Chauvin trial, Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey…
Intricate And Outdated Mode Of Governing Cool Now Because We Got To Keep 8 Seats
After Minnesota avoided losing a Congressional representative in a massive political upset last week, we…
Star Tribune To Appeal To Moms By Introducing New “Oops! All Obituaries” Edition
MINNEAPOLIS — In an effort to increase readership among moms, the Star Tribune is introducing…
Schools Prep For “Gatsby Season” In Every 10th Grade English Class
English teachers across the state are Charleston-ing with glee and celebrating the easiest time of…
How To Convince Your Dad Not To Leave Your Mom For Kirill Kaprizov
Whether your dad is complaining that they only give post-game interviews to Fiala and never…
Elusive Zebra Mussel Taunts DNR in Series of Coded Letters
A zebra mussel on a horrifying lake infestation spree across northern Minnesota has been taunting…
Four Helpful Tips For Safely Resuming Weekly Austin Powers Themed Neighborhood Orgies Once You’re Fully Vaccinated
So it’s been two weeks since your Johnson & Johnson or second Pfizer or Moderna…
Eat Your Heart Out, Krispy Kreme: General Mills Says They’ll Let You Have One Sensual Night Alone With The Cocoa Puffs Bird If You’re Fully Vaccinated
Wow. Krispy Kremes must be feeling like total cheapskates now. General Mills just blew their…
BREAKING: Dad Sees Deer
ANDOVER — Multiple reports have confirmed that mere moments ago, local father and nature enthusiast…
Black Woman Sacrifices, Dates White Man to Secure Boat for Her Friends This Summer
MINNETONKA 一 A group of three friends is preparing for a Hot Girl Summer spent…
How to Not Feel Insecure that the Birds in Your Front Yard are Having More Sex Than You
In spring, much of the natural world is busy spreading pollen and spreading their legs,…
Sad: The Reclusive 112 Year Old Inventor Of “Duck Duck Grey Duck” Just Came Out With A New Game Called “Brown Egg” And It Makes No Sense
Now this is heartbreaking. Cornelius Blünderbuss, the 112 year old inventor of “Duck Duck Grey…
Answering the Nations’ Call: Walz Requests Additional Funding for All Minnesota Police Departments to Host Zootopia Viewing Parties
In response to mounting pressure from the Twin Cities community and from spectators around the…
In Effort to Open Safely, Valleyfair To Debut Soak City Bleachpark
SHAKOPEE — As Valleyfair plans to open for the first time since the theme park…