Jacob Frey Excited To Start Governing Now That Whole Racism Thing Over
MINNEAPOLIS — Following the guilty verdict in the Derek Chauvin trial, Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey…
Tyler Martindale
Star Tribune To Appeal To Moms By Introducing New “Oops! All Obituaries” Edition
MINNEAPOLIS — In an effort to increase readership among moms, the Star Tribune is introducing…
Elusive Zebra Mussel Taunts DNR in Series of Coded Letters
A zebra mussel on a horrifying lake infestation spree across northern Minnesota has been taunting…
Four Helpful Tips For Safely Resuming Weekly Austin Powers Themed Neighborhood Orgies Once You’re Fully Vaccinated
So it’s been two weeks since your Johnson & Johnson or second Pfizer or Moderna…
Eat Your Heart Out, Krispy Kreme: General Mills Says They’ll Let You Have One Sensual Night Alone With The Cocoa Puffs Bird If You’re Fully Vaccinated
Wow. Krispy Kremes must be feeling like total cheapskates now. General Mills just blew their…
BREAKING: Dad Sees Deer
ANDOVER — Multiple reports have confirmed that mere moments ago, local father and nature enthusiast…
Sad: The Reclusive 112 Year Old Inventor Of “Duck Duck Grey Duck” Just Came Out With A New Game Called “Brown Egg” And It Makes No Sense
Now this is heartbreaking. Cornelius Blünderbuss, the 112 year old inventor of “Duck Duck Grey…
Northstar Line Hopes To Attract More Customers By Adding Victorian Style First Class Railcar Where Murder Is Legal
BIG LAKE — Following a drastic decline in ridership due to the pandemic, the Northstar…
Ancestry.com Announces For Extra $9.99, They’ll Lie And Say Your White Great Great Grandfather Didn’t Settle On Stolen Dakota Land And Was Instead The Beloved Inventor Of The Banana Split
LEHI, UT — Ancestry.com has announced that for a $9.99 fee, they will tell customers…
That’s Nice Of Them: The Duluth Lift Bridge Just Went Up For A Boat That Wasn’t Even That Big
Awww. This story is sure to make your day. Reports are coming out of Duluth…
DNR High Council Senses Great Fear In Potential New Recruit
The Minnesota Department of Natural Resources’ High Council, meeting in their sacred enclave atop Split…
In Landmark Decision, US Supreme Court Agrees To Abolish Police If Colorful Instagram Infographic Gets One Million Likes
WASHINGTON D.C.— In an unprecedented move, the United States Supreme Court decided today that it…
They’re Not Fooling Anyone: The Wabasha Eagle Center’s New Eagle Is Clearly A Parakeet Wearing A Hat That Says Eagle On It
Wow. They really think they’re pulling one over on us, huh? The National Eagle Center…