Jacob Frey To Take Month Long Sabbatical To Learn How To Toss a Quarter Into Jukebox From Across the Room
MINNEAPOLIS — Hoping to increase his likability going into the upcoming election, Minneapolis mayor Jacob…
Tyler Martindale
Minnesota Conservatives March On Capitol To Prevent Elementary Schools From Teaching That Jazz In Star Wars Is Called Jizz
ST. PAUL — Hundreds of irate Minnesotans descended on the State Capitol today to protest…
Yaaas! For Pride Month, General Mills Announced That Toucan Sam Is Gay Now Even Though He’s Owned By Kellogg’s
Now this feels like a big step forward for LGBTQ+ acceptance! Minnesota’s own General Mills…
On This Day In Minnesota History: Tim Pawlenty Signs Historic Executive Order Declaring “It’s Not Weird” To Order Multiple Glasses Of Milk With Ice At A Bar
On today’s date in 2006, Governor Tim Pawlenty signed Executive Order 06-08, a momentous and…
Wayzata Collapses Into Sinkhole Under Weight Of Trillions Of Folksy Minnesota-Themed Throw Pillows
WAYZATA — The entire city of Wayzata suddenly collapsed into itself earlier today, forming a…
Ant Carrying Massive Oreo Crumb Back To Colony Better Get To Meet The Fucking Queen For This
ROCHESTER — His exoskeleton aching from exhaustion, a carpenter ant struggling to carry a massive…
Not Buying It: The Minnesota Historical Society Announced They’ve Discovered An Apology By Charles Lindbergh But It’s Clearly From The iPhone Notes App
You’re going to have to try harder than that, guys! The Minnesota Historical Society just…
A Disgrace To His Legacy: The Prince Estate Is Selling Orange T-Shirts That Say “Sex Just Isn’t My Thing”
This is borderline sacrilegious. Just weeks after announcing a makeup collection by Urban Decay, Prince’s…
‘I Guess This Is What Happens When You Defund The Police!’ Yells Brooklyn Center Man After Accidentally Slamming Fingers In Car Door
BROOKLYN CENTER — Conservative long-time Brooklyn Center resident Mike Baker, 38, angrily blamed the recent…
Melvin Carter Laying Awake Nervously Wondering When Local Satire Site Will Inevitably Turn On Him
ST. PAUL — Despite having downed a calming mug of hot chamomile and dressing in…
Sad: Jesse Ventura Keeps Calling The Capital To Ask If Its Too Late To Change His Official Portrait To One Done By A Chimp He Saw On YouTube
Well this is kinda sad. Apparently, a very desperate sounding Jesse Ventura has called the…