“Black Lives Matter Has Gone Too Far!” Says Uncle Who Refuses To Say Where He Was On January 6th
PRINCETON — While at a casual summer cookout with his extended family, Princeton uncle Greg…
Tyler Martindale
Fuck It, We Can Say Whatever We Want: The Entire United States Synchronised Swimming Team Is From Thief River Falls And They Just Brought Home The Gold
Way to go, Minnesota! Both the United States Men’s and Women’s 2020 Olympics Artistic Swimming…
Tim Busse Animatronic Added To Nickelodeon Universe’s Hall Of Bloomington Mayors
BLOOMINGTON — An animatronic likeness of Bloomington mayor Tim Busse has finally been added to…
Minneapolis Police Officer Finds Peace, Tranquility In New Hobby Of Destroying Community Gardens
MINNEAPOLIS — Improving his overall wellbeing and inspiring coworkers with his newfound zest for life,…
Hungry Brainerd Optimist Googles “Ethiopian Restaurants Near Me”
BRAINERD — In an inspirational act of optimistic thinking, hungry Brainerd resident Doug Strickland just…
An Understandable Mixup: An Independent Collector Just Presented The SPAM Museum With an Ad for The World’s Oldest Penis Enlargement Pill That The Porn Industry Doesn’t Want You To Know About
Wow. This is such an easy blunder to make that it’s honestly surprising it hasn’t…
Jesse Ventura Calls Tim Walz Reminding Him Not To Touch Box Labeled “Tiny Cave Man” In Governor’s Mansion’s Freezer
ST. PAUL — A frantic-sounding former Governor Jesse Ventura called Tim Walz at approximately 11…
Friend From Edina On Camping Trip Brings Along Classically Trained Bear In Case Regular One Doesn’t Do Anything Worth Instagramming
LAKE COUNTY — In an effort to ensure the venture’s success on social media, Edina…
Little Cousin On Fishing Trip Having A Bit Too Much Fun Ripping Worms In Half
GULL LAKE — Filling bystanders with concern for his future, 8-year old Dustin Greer is…
BREAKING: Albino Squirrel Absolutely Slaying
DULUTH — Strutting up and down an oak tree like it’s the runway at New…
Star Tribune Streamlines Article Writing Process By Replacing Entire Newsroom With Single Police Officer
MINNEAPOLIS — In an effort to streamline their article writing process, the Star Tribune has…
Mayor Frey To Travel To France To See If They’re Still Giving Cities Giant Copper Statues Or If That Was Just A One Time Kind Of Thing
MINNEAPOLIS — Hoping to increase the city’s prestige and celebrate his own mayoral accomplishments in…
An Intriguing Mystery: The State Legislature Just Changed Minnesota’s State Bird To “All Common Loons Except Kevin” Without Telling Us What Kevin Did
The Minnesota Legislature gathered for an emergency meeting at 3 AM last night and overwhelmingly…