Tyler Martindale
Mom Hands Son Five Dollars, Deadly Virus To Drop Into Collection Plate
ANDOVER — Just as the lights dimmed and soothing offering music began to play during…
Terrible Mistake: This St. Cloud Man Took An Edible And Scared Himself Thinking About What Frogs Do In The Winter
Well, this sucks. St Cloud grocery worker Drew Collins, 30, thought he’d take the weed…
Anoka Man Can’t Wait Till It’s Safe To Go To Movie Theater, Drink Directly From Butter Dispenser Again
Anoka resident and film buff Todd Perry, 29, can hardly wait until health professionals say…
Huh: Vaccine Questionaire For Seniors Asks If They’ve Ever Won A Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Award
Well, this is odd. The official COVID-19 pre-vaccination checklist is asking possible vaccine recipients if…
Disappointed QAnon Believer Guesses He’ll Just Start Believing In Chupacabras Or Something
DULUTH — After giving up his belief in QAnon when Donald Trump failed to overturn the…
DNR Constructs Billion Dollar Observatory To Search For Signs of Trout In Space
Having learned everything there is to know about trout on earth, the Minnesota Department of…
Edina City Council Approves Funding For New Ziggurat Tall Enough To Reach God
EDINA — In a unanimous vote, the Edina City Council has approved the building of…
Frantic Jesse Ventura Calls Tim Walz At 3 AM Asking If He’s Been Feeding The Feral Clone Left Living In The Walls Of Governor’s Manson Since 2003
ST PAUL — An audibly distressed former governor Jesse Ventura called current governor Tim Walz…
Walz Assures State That Safety Is Number One Priority During Construction of Giant Pollution Tube
ST PAUL — In a press conference earlier today, Governor Walz assured the public that…
Irresponsible Man Blows $600 on Rent Instead of 50 Mouthwatering Appetizer Sampler Plates From Applebees
Coon Rapids resident Sam Davenport, 29, unwisely blew his entire $600 stimulus check on rent…
Sad!: Duluth Man Just Now Perfected His Trump Impression
Talk about bad timing! After four years of diligent practice, Duluth dental assistant Leo Macdonald,…
Covid’s Mental Health Toll: 1 in 4 Millennials Report Having Thoughts of Kissing the Sexy Green M&M in Last Six Months
A study released this week from the Pew Research Center has shed new light on…
7 New Years Resolutions That Don’t Involve Grafting Four Metal Arms To Your Back, Hunting Down Spider-Man
Resolutions are hard to keep- You make a New Year’s resolution to surgically attach four…