DNR Releases PSA Reminding Bears To “Get Thicc As Hell For Winter”

ST. PAUL — In an effort to remind the state’s population of nearly 15,000 black bears of the importance of fattening up for hibernation season, the Minnesota Department of Natural Resources is once again releasing a star-studded PSA, this time featuring the catchy slogan “Get Thicc As Hell For Winter”.

“We went all out on this year’s PSA. It features a cover of Queen’s ‘Fat Bottomed Girls’ by a wide array of massive stars like John Legend, Gal Gadot, and Jeremy Irons so there’s something for everyone,” said DNR Commissioner Sarah Strommen, “it even ends with the bear that mauled Leonardo Di Caprio in ‘The Revenant’ dunking a basketball.”

The 60 second long PSA will be projected onto the night sky above northern Minnesota on a loop from 7pm to 7am for the next month and half using a massive 20-million watt projector. Its sound will be played through tens of thousands of Dolby surround sound speakers DNR agents spent all summer attaching to trees across the state.

“I’ve worked on hundreds of ads for companies like Ciroc, Mercedes, and Dior but this is the most important work I’ve done. I’ve truly put my heart and soul into this project,” said the PSA’s director Alberto Santori, “if even one bear does not get the message that they should get thicc as hell for winter, I will have failed.”

The DNR spent approximately $60 million on this year’s ad, hoping not to repeat their disastrous 2019 campaign that told bears to “Bulk Up”, which was misinterpreted by many to be advocating for gaining muscle rather than fat, leading many bears to spend the entirety of autumn doing intense strength training.

“Those bears got way too jacked. It was scary,” said the DNR’s Head of Advertising Thomas Moreland as a sharp shiver ran down his spine, “it was almost as big a debacle as 2005 when a typo changed our slogan from ‘Get Big, Bears’ to “Get Big Beers” and hundreds of wild animals broke into liquor stores across the state and got absolutely smashed.”