Politics
Report: 98% Chance Jacob Frey Currently Reading This Article About How He’s A Baby And We Hate Him
MINNEAPOLIS — A newly published study by sociologists at the University of Minnesota has concluded…
OPINION: If Mayor Frey Wants My Vote, Then He Has To Read My Fanfiction Of Him And Melvin Carter Kissing On The Mouth
Well, it’s local election season once more, and Minneapolis’s silly little boy-mayor is making the…
THEY’RE JUST LIKE US! Amy Kloubachar Spotted Ripping Into Invasive Carp With Her Hands And Teeth
WINONA — It’s easy to be starstruck by a local celebrity! But luckily for all…
Frey Proves He’s Not Police Stooge By Refusing To Let Chief Arradondo Tuck Him In Tonight
MINNEAPOLIS — Proving once and for all that he is a strong, incorruptible leader who…
Jacob Frey Still Deciding Which Of His Favorite ‘Imagine Dragons’ Tunes To Make Official Campaign Song
MINNEAPOLIS — Despite spending a large portion of the last few months thinking about it,…
Oh No: Jacob Frey Just Learned the Word ‘Indubitably’
In what is being described as a possible major campaign setback, somehow Jacob Frey learned…
Jacob Frey Offering Literal Get Out Of Jail Free Card To Anyone Who Promises To Not Bully Him
MINNEAPOLIS — With the mayoral election coming in just a few months Mayor Jacob Frey…
Awkward! Both Twins From ‘The Shining’ Are Running For MN GOP Chair
Both Alexie and Alexa Grady, the twin demonic specters that once haunted the Overlook Hotel,…
Governor Walz Announces Findings that Line 3 is Actually “Good for Women” Somehow
ST. PAUL — In a surprise press conference yesterday, Governor Walz announced that despite the…
Tim Busse Animatronic Added To Nickelodeon Universe’s Hall Of Bloomington Mayors
BLOOMINGTON — An animatronic likeness of Bloomington mayor Tim Busse has finally been added to…
Jesse Ventura Calls Tim Walz Reminding Him Not To Touch Box Labeled “Tiny Cave Man” In Governor’s Mansion’s Freezer
ST. PAUL — A frantic-sounding former Governor Jesse Ventura called Tim Walz at approximately 11…
Mayor Frey To Travel To France To See If They’re Still Giving Cities Giant Copper Statues Or If That Was Just A One Time Kind Of Thing
MINNEAPOLIS — Hoping to increase the city’s prestige and celebrate his own mayoral accomplishments in…