Politics

Walz: Human Sacrifice Altars Can Open If They Have Safety Plan

According to the new rules, all sacrificial victims, high priests, and members of the crazed crowd baying for a cleansing shower of human blood must stand at least six feet from one another at all times. Masks must also be worn by all present, whether their heads are currently attached to their bodies or tumbling down pyramid stairs. All swords, clubs, and shards of obsidian must be thoroughly disinfected between uses.