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Report: Rich Family on Block Gives out King-Sized COVID
“I heard they stocked up on all the virus they could find and even drove to Wisconsin to get some,” commented a 10-year-old Frankenstein, adding how he plans to take his mask off and hit their house a second and maybe third time.
North Loop Abandoned After Residents’ Parents Unable to Pay Rent
MINNEAPOLIS — The North Loop has officially been deemed a ghost town after nearly all…
Opinion: A Global Pandemic Won’t Stop Us From Getting Married in Front of 200 of Our Closest Friends and Family
It would be selfish if we didn’t keep the date. And with my nana’s health, if we keep pushing it back she might not be able to be there and I just really want my nana to see me walk down the aisle in the church she was married in.
Metal Fans Upset at the Lack of Korn Mazes Near the Twin Cities
Original photo by Tonamel
Local GOP Also Largest Cops Show Fan Club
“I’m grieving right now, I honestly feel dead inside, I am NOT ok,” said local congressman Duane Quam, wearing a Black shirt emblazoned with the iconic logo of COPS.
Local Satire Site Takes Break From Fucking Jokes While its City Burns
MINNEAPOLIS—In the wake of the extrajudicial murder of George Floyd by Minneapolis Police and the…
The Coronavirus Hospitalized After Encounter with Michele Bachmann
At the height of its global pandemic, the Coronavirus, also known as COVID-19, has reportedly been hospitalized after being exposed to former Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann.
Following an innocuous chance encounter with the first Republican woman from Minnesota to be elected to the House of Representatives, the infectious disease began displaying…
Banana GIF From ‘Peanut Butter Jelly Time’ Dead at 27
Longtime friend and Albino BlackSheep user ‘SticksxStones’ confirmed Sanderson’s death on social media. While the cause of death is still under investigation, sources have reported that it was the result of being accidentally deleted from a hard drive.
His career began as…