‘We Were Getting Too Close’, Atlanta Falcons Sign Kirk Cousins To Alleviate Threat of Playing in Super Bowl
ATLANTA, GA — Despite last year’s dismal 7-10 record, the Atlanta Falcons saw many positives…
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This Year’s Hottest Spring Break Destination: Errands with Your Mom Because You’re 12
MAPLE GROVE — Get ready for a week of hardcore, high-waisted fun! This year’s most…
Ungrateful Residents of Duluth’s Park Point Spurn Generous Offer From Billionaire To Do Whatever the Hell She Wants
Brian MatuszakBrian Matuszak has been trying to make Duluth funny for 35 years now through…
Springtime Heralds Annual Migration of Dads in Construction Vests To Local Bike Paths
MINNEAPOLIS — Spring is here, and thus begins the long-awaited return of dads biking around…
Duluth Man Has All His Most Creative Panic Attacks While High
DULUTH — Explaining that it helps him come up with more interesting and original things…
Anoka Man Getting Pretty Good At Taco Bell App
ANOKA — Proudly noting that he’s only had the application for a month, Anoka resident…
Lastest Mighty Act of God Pretty Fucking Inconvenient
Once again, God has shown Minnesota His awesome might with an unholy amount of snow….
Scott Jensen: I Don’t Want To Be Governor, I Just Want To Compare Things to the Holocaust
As I sit out on the deck of my home in Chaska, drinking herbal tea,…
Irate Scott Jensen Confuses Trick-or-Treaters With Furries
CHASKA — Several children left the Chaska Target in tears over the weekend as the…
‘I Can Handle One More’ Claims Local Mom Climbing on Twelfth Hayride of the Night
ANOKA — A 44 year-old teacher and mother of three attending a church fair Saturday…