Mayor Frey Mistakes Lake Harriet Art Shanties for Encampment, Orders Eviction
MINNEAPOLIS— Artists and community organizers expressed frustration with Mayor Jacob Frey and the City of…
Jon Jee
Mayor Frey Sees Spider in Bathtub, Declares City-Wide Curfew
Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey imposed a city-wide curfew and asked the National Guard to return…
MPD Centers The BIPOC Experience in Traffic Stops
In the wake of widespread civil unrest, the Minneapolis Police Department has vowed to center…
Medusa: Actually, Salons ARE Essential if Your Hair is a Writhing Mass of Snakes
Personally, I’ve worn a full face mask since long before it was mandated for all of our protection- you try getting cash back at Target when the very sight of you has turned the cashier to stone. All I ask now is that our mortal administration consider its citizens who have living snakes for hair.
Sneaky Petes Now Offering Curb-side Sexual Harassment
MINNEAPOLIS — Joining the wave of businesses pivoting their service models to comply with Governor…
Man Working From Home Unsure How to Socialize With Family
As statewide social distancing to prevent the spread of COVID-19 entered its second week, Senior Accounts Manager Chad Hjelzik continues to struggle to socialize with his new coworkers: his wife and two children.
“They’re just not into the same things I am,” Hjelzik told The Nordly during a two hour Skype call, “I tried to bond with my six-year-old by telling her about when I studied abroad in undergrad but she kept interrupting me.”
‘Quarantine Is Introvert Heaven!’ Says Woman Who Doesn’t Have to Worry About Income
Speaking to The Nordly via FaceTime, local woman Laura Brandt gleefully explained the upsides of social distancing during the COVID-19 outbreak.
“Quarantine is introvert heaven!” Brandt smiled, clutching a cup of tea with both hands, “As a kid, I would often sequester myself in our tree house with just my books. This is kind of like a grownup version of that,” she said, speaking from her fifteenth floor apartment in Loring Park.
Lake Street Kmart Closes, Endorses Biden
Photos by JJBers + Gage Skidmore
Progress! Enbridge President Reads Land Acknowledgement Statement at Pipeline Groundbreaking
Photo by NPCA Online KEEWATIN — Speaking at a public groundbreaking for a new section…
Ayd Mill Road To Be Re-Paved With Good Intentions
Photo by Chris Waits
Current Celebrates Black History Month With Playlist Featuring Wilco, Tame Impala
The Current will feature a special playlist celebrating African-American artists both on-air and available to stream on its website. The playlist, curated by The Current’s sixteen on-air hosts (fifteen of whom are white), aims to…
Man Holding Vape Pen Declares First Ave “Too Mainstream”
“Look, I’m as bummed as anyone about this,” said Engstrom, “but I am of an age where I am just like, you know, nah, with these pop star production tours. Plus, they don’t allow vaping inside anymore. Honestly, I should have known it was getting…
Woke Man Really Sticking It to Patriarchy by Referring to Vikings Season as “Sportsball”
Local feminist Justin Barnes is speaking truth to power by continuing to refer to the Minnesota Vikings and all other athletics as “sportsball.”
“Go sportsball!” Barnes sarcastically exclaimed, waving a finger in the air, “Look how sporty the sportsmen are sporting!” he added, referring to the Vikings-49ers game playing on every screen in the Dinkytown Buffalo Wild Wings. His statements drew several…
Dreadlocked White Man’s Kwanzaa Wish is to Be Asked What He Knows About Kwanzaa
MAPLEWOOD — Sources close to Lucas Weiss’ ugly sweater party report that dreadlocked white man,…