Mayor Frey Sees Spider in Bathtub, Declares City-Wide Curfew

Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey imposed a city-wide curfew and asked the National Guard to return after encountering a spider in his bathtub.

The spider’s intention could not be verified at the time of this report but Police almost immediately shared surveillance video of Mayor Frey tripping over a magazine rack in his haste to exit the bathroom. The sudden chaos prompted Gov. Tim Walz to declare an emergency in the city and mobilize the Minnesota National Guard and 150 State Patrol troopers. 

At a late evening news conference, Frey and Police Chief Medaria Arradondo stressed that the spider in question was, “really icky looking and possibly poisonous.”

“This is a tragic incident for all involved,” said Frey. “What the city needs now is healing, not spiders or those horrible little bugs that look like thousand-legged feathers showing up while I’m trying to have my Jake-time. Blegh.”

Frey said he was ordering an immediate curfew with a formal declaration to follow. He didn’t say how long the curfew would last, but Police began to arrest people of color and “anyone who looked activist-y” later into the night.”