Sneaky Petes Now Offering Curb-side Sexual Harassment


MINNEAPOLIS — Joining the wave of businesses pivoting their service models to comply with Governor Walz’s stay-at-home order, historic sports bar Sneaky Pete’s in downtown Minneapolis announced it will now be offering curb-side sexual harassment during peak hours.

Sneaky Pete’s, known for its drink specials, high energy atmosphere, and abundance of men who use dick pics as greetings on Tinder, has long been a leader in Minneapolis’ sexual harassment scene. Sneaky Pete’s Spokesman Thad Perkerewicz said that the decision to move to a curb-side model was the result of extensive market research and “aggressive” crowd-funding from the Sneaky Pete’s community.

“We are proud to offer not just curb-side sexual harassment but the BEST curbside sexual harassment,” Perkerewicz declared, “we want females to feel that lit Sneaky Pete’s vibe even if they can’t get down with bottle service in our VIP lounge.”

Patrons may now place orders online prior to arrival and will be met by a Sneaky Pete’s contractor wearing a Supreme t-shirt who will deliver a no-contact version of Minneapolis Warehouse district sexual harassment.

“The reason it took us a while to roll this out,” Perkerewicz explained,” was figuring out a way to make a female feel like a contractor was putting his hand on her lower back without actually touching her. We also had a challenge in telling females to smile if they had masks on. Overall, the Sneaky Pete’s team is very excited about our creative solutions.”

Sneaky Pete’s curb-side sexual harassment is available Sunday-Wednesday from 10pm – midnight and Thursday-Saturday from 9pm – 1:55am.