Following months of speculation, Minnesota Gubernatorial candidate Dr. Scott Jensen and Pennsylvania Senate candidate Dr. Mehmet Oz announced they will joining forces to open a private medical quacktice.
“We are both experts at spreading medically dubious treatments,” said Jensen, “and I am so excited to work with my personal hero, Dr. Oz, to bring the best of pseudoscientific chicanery to the masses.”
The two Republican doctors intend to offer a comprehensive list of unproven, potentially dangerous services, including ivermectin baths, leechings, and scrotum sunning therapy.
“There has never been a better time to be a charlatan doctor,” said Dr. Oz from his home in New Jersey. “And since both of our campaigns are floundering, this is a great way to keep profiting off of the vulnerable, desperate dupes who keep throwing their money at us.”
After a ribbon cutting ceremony at their brick and mortar storefront, the doctors announced an opening sale of “two blood lettings for the price of one.”