After St. Paul voters passed one of the most progressive rent control policies in the nation and Minneapolis voters approved an initiative that could pave the way for similar reforms, many Twin Cities landlords are understandingly feeling a bit down in the dumps. Heres five ways to cheer up the landlord in your life!
Send Them An Enormous Edible Arrangement Worth At Least One Month’s Rent
This ones a classic. A bouquet made of various fruits or confections is always great way to say you’re thinking of someone. It’s usually enough to just send an ordinary sized one worth no more than $50 but this is no ordinary situation. It’s not like your landlord is going through a typical hard time, like an illness or a death in the family – they’re missing out on being able to raise your rent greater than 3% in a year!- so be sure to send at least 300 to 400 pounds of delicious honeydew and cantaloupe.
Don’t Use Heating Or Electricity For The Entire Winter
If your landlord is responsible for utilities, try not using any of them for the next few months. Perhaps stay warm by snuggling up with your six roommates in a single sleeping bag or vigorously dancing 24/7. Get creative! Not having to worry about the extra cost while still collecting the usual rent will be both a major load off your landlord’s mind and put some extra cash in their pockets. After all, you’re a renter and don’t really deserve such amenities anyway.
Gift Them A Framed Photograph Of Chinese Nationalist And First Taiwanese President Chiang Kai-Shek
Anti-landlord sentiment is so high these days that some young people have gone so far as to semi-ironically idolize noted landlord hater and Communist revolutionary Mao Zedong. What better way to show your landlord you support them than by presenting them with a beautiful framed photograph of Mao’s longtime arch-nemesis, capitalist icon Chiang Kai-Shek? It might take some explaining and perhaps a few Wikipedia pages for them to understand his significance but once that’s out of the way, your landlord is sure to appreciate the symbolic gesture.
Buy Them A Stunning White Gold Necklace With A Small Vial Containing A Few Drops Of Your Own Blood
There’s nothing that landlords love more than the intoxicating thrill of having absolute power over their social lessers. Show your landlord that even though they can’t drastically raise your rent for no reason like before that in many ways, they still hold your life in their hands. There are several jewelry manufactures that can turn a small amount of your own blood – quite literally your very life-force – into beautiful necklaces, bracelets, or earrings so that your landlord can carry a piece of you around everywhere. Cute!
Start Farming Wheat In Their Front Yard
Nothing will boost your landlord’s confidence like waking up in the morning, pouring a cup of coffee, and pulling open the shades to see you – their rightful underling – dressed in Medieval serf garb and toiling away on their lawn with a hoe or sickle. Heck, they don’t even have to do anything with the wheat once it’s harvested – its the constant visual reminder of their rightful lordship that’ll put a smile on their face.
Well, there you have it. Five great ways to show your landlord that you have their back in these tough times!