Sun Country Announces New Flights From MSP To Where Ever They Fucking Feel Like

MINNEAPOLIS — In anticipation of a massive increase in the number of holiday travelers since last year, Sun Country Airlines is adding 7 new flights from Minneapolis-Saint Paul International Airport to wherever the fuck they feel like going.

“We are proud to introduce these new flights to such scenic locations as Las Vegas, some fucking mountain somewhere, an empty field close to the pilot’s house, or wherever the plane eventually runs out of gas,” said Sun Country CEO Jude Bricker, “or even just across the tarmac from where you got on.”

Sun Country says the new flights will probably be non-stop but that they can’t promise the pilot won’t feel like stopping halfway to pick up some Wendy’s or start a fistfight with their cousin in Iowa City.

“Wherever they end up going, these new flights will feature complimentary beverage service consisting of whatever half-empty drinks our staff can find sitting unattended at the gate,” said Bricker, “plus the cabin will be almost entirely pressurized.”

Sun Country customers across the state are elated.

“I can’t wait. They’ve always been my airline of choice,” said Minneapolis resident and loyal Sun Country frequent flyer Paul Campbell, “because I’m a naughty little worm that deserves to be punished.”

Sun Country also announced it’s considering adding a first-class cabin with an in-flight entertainment option whereby shackled economy class patrons will be forced to perform episodes of “The Office” for those who’ve paid an extra $50 fee.