For the better part of the last decade, the Wisconsin Department of Tourism has poured millions of dollars into what it calls “Operation Lure Aquaman” attempting to bring Hollywood superstar Jason Momoa to their state and to impress him enough that he makes it his new home.
Here are five of the most ingenious but ultimately unsuccessful ways they’ve tried to get Jason Momoa to move to Wisconsin.
Telling Him His Long Lost Billionaire Uncle In Madison Just Died
One of the first things the Tourism Department tried was to get a fancy butler to personally hand Jason Momoa a beautifully embossed note informing him that he had a long lost billionaire uncle named “Pennyworth Moneyman” from Madison who just died in a zeppelin crash and that Jason had to fly there to receive his inheritance. The plan didn’t work however because they blew nearly their entire yearly budget hiring Michael Caine to play the butler and could only promise Momoa a measly $12.50, and also because someone in the planning department insisted on stipulating that he stay in a haunted house overnight to receive it.
In 2016, the Wisconsin Department of Tourism attempted to blackmail Jason Momoa into moving to their state by threatening to release a hyperrealistic deep-faked video they’d produced appearing to show Jason Momoa shaking hands with Russian President Vladimir Putin and saying “what a fun day! I’ve enjoyed our time doing crimes together”. The plan failed because, still reeling from the Michael Caine/butler catastrophe of the previous year, they skimped on the voice actors so both Putin and Momoa spoke in thick Midwestern accents and no one was going to believe the stoic dictator of Russia would ever use the phrase “you betcha!”.
A Trail of Peanut M&Ms
In 2017, the Tourism Department tried a simpler method by setting up a 1,968-mile long trail of peanut M&Ms starting at Jason Momoa’s Los Angeles home’s doorstep and ending in a beautiful cabin on the shores of Lake Superior. Unfortunately, actor Jeremy Renner happened to be in the neighborhood and hundreds of thousands of M&Ms later, ended up at the end of trail where he’s lived ever since. It’s still a good catch, but he’s definitely no Momoa…
Renaming Green Bay “Free Tattoos Limited Time Only Come Now! Quick!”
One of the Tourism Department’s most disastrous attempts was when they decided to lure Momoa to Green Bay by renaming it “Free Tattoos Limited Time Only Come Now! Quick” in the hopes that the well-known ink enthusiast would notice it on a map and take advantage of the offer it appeared to be advertising. Of course, they vastly underestimated the number of people in the nation who enjoy body art and over 700,000 people showed up the day after the name change leading to the largest riot in human history that ended in the city being razed to the ground. Oops!
Growing An Evil Jason Momoa In A Lab And Letting Him Loose On Milwaukee
This one was one of the more complicated plans the Wisconsin Department of Tourism has ever attempted. Essentially, the idea was if Jason Momoa saw on the news that an evil version of himself was running around smashing up Milwaukee like the Hulk, he’d feel morally obligated to come and put a stop to his double. Unfortunately, they got the formula wrong and didn’t make him anywhere near evil enough. The only evil things Evil Jason Momoa has done so far were a few minor parking violations, none of which have been bad enough to make it on national news.
Well, there you have it. Let’s hope one day, the Wisconsin Department of Tourism figures out a way to finally complete their mission!