Not Again: All 11,000 Runners in Duluth’s ‘Grandpa’s Marathon’ Have Stopped Running Ten Minutes in To Drink Black Coffee at a Hardee’s and Talk About Their Favorite Burt Lancaster Movies

Frustrating event organizers and fans alike, all 11,283 runners in Duluth’s annual “Grandpa’s Marathon” have once again stopped running ten minutes into the race and opted instead to carpool to the nearest Hardee’s in Superior, Wisconsin and sit there drinking black coffee and talking about their favorite movies starring mid-20th century film star Burt Lancaster.

“I don’t know how this keeps happening. We even offered prize money and a fully stocked tackle box to literally anyone who could finish the race,” said event organizer Paul Olson, “next time, we’re going to have to wall off the whole route so they can’t leave.”

Sources say the inciting incident occurred when one contestant stopped a half-mile into the 26-mile race and declared “I’m sweating like Burt Lancaster in ‘Spartacus’ over here!” which caused several contestants to abruptly stop running and remind him that he was thinking of Kirk Douglas but that’s ok because both Lancaster and Douglas starred in “Gunfight At The OK Corral” so its easy to get them mixed up. Within minutes, every single one of the thousands of runners had agreed to finish this conversation over coffee.

The Hardee’s, which is currently over 50 times beyond it’s maximum dining capacity of 150, is reportedly so full of men loudly but cordially debating whether 1946’s “The Killers” or 1953’s “From Here To Eternity” is a better showcase of Lacaster’s unique charm that the staff has taken to crowd surfing around the establishment in order to refill the 1,000s of coffees.

“This is much better than running”, said Grandpa’s Marathon contestant Conrad Whitman while sipping from a mug with a painting of a duck on it that he’d brought from home, “anyway, I have to go. Frank just figured out how to pull up a photo of Veronica Lake on his Jitterbug!”

At press time, all 11,283 men had fallen asleep and are waking up every few minutes to announce “just resting my eyes!” to no one in particular.