Finally Living up to Its Name: Midtown Global Market Just Opened a New Stall That Offers a Taste of Mole Man Cuisine From Deep Inside the Hollow Earth

Midtown Global Market is at long last becoming truly global by adding a kiosk that showcases mole man cuisine, popular with denizens of the vast subterranean network of caves that make up our planet’s inner core.

Glum Grunkus’s Mole Kitchen will offer customers a chance to dine on such delicacies as Glunk – a type of tough sausage made from crushed Giant Magma Worms nestled in a soft bun made of bioluminescent algae. The restaurant will also sell ordinary sauerkraut, which became popular in the Hollow Earth after it was introduced by a time-traveling Nazi scientist who attempted to colonize the area 40,000 years ago but was killed within 48 hours by a gravity storm. 

Each order comes with either a tall glass of Guck, a beloved carbonated beverage made from the tears of the Titan Cronus (who remains imprisoned deep in Tartarus, conveniently located a mile from the Mole Man capitol of Grunt City) or a 12 ounce can of La Croix sparkling water.

“I’m really excited to be here on the surface to give people a glimpse into my culture,” said Glum Grunkus, the establishment’s owner and head chef, “also it’s just great to not have to be fighting off colossal pterodactyls 24/7.”

Glum Grunkus’s Mole Kitchen will also sell a variety of traditional mole man art pieces including gold nose guards, baskets woven with giant spider silk, and the bejeweled skulls of miners who’ve seen too much.

Midtown Global Market’s other vendors have quickly warmed to Grunkus.

“It’s been very nice having Mr. Grunkus as a neighbor,” said Arepa Bar owner Soleil Ramirez, “I gave him some empanadas as a welcome gift and as a thank you, he gave me 200 pounds of raw iron ore.”

If you’d like to visit Glum Grunkus’s Mole Kitchen, it can easily be found upon entering the Global Market from any entrance. Just look for the stand next to the massive hole that is constantly erupting red hot 2,000-degree lava.