MANKATO — In a maskless ceremony in a Denny’s parking lot with little pomp for men who have, and will, face serious consequences for their actions, former auto dealership mogul Denny Hecker bestowed the “Top Minnesota Grifter” sash to the Twitter banned, election fraud conspiracy sowing MyPillow CEO, Mike Lindell.
“While I may have attempted to hide millions of dollars in stolen assets, swindled countless loans from Chrysler Financial, destroyed the lives of everyone close to me, and sold thousands of people cars they couldn’t actually afford, Mike’s really kicking things up a notch. He really put the Minnesota businessman on the map, me and the fellas are really impressed,” Hecker told the Nordly.
Lindell was presented a red, polyester sash with the words “True Grift” spelled out in ironed-on letters. The ring, stained with Hecker’s and past grifters blood, sweat, and A1 steak sauce was also marinated in the scent of cigar smoke trapped for over 10 years in one of Hecker’s forgotten “company cars” is an honor for Lindell.
“Being a grifter means doing what every red-blooded American male should be—getting as much money as fast as you can and by any means you can—and it’s an honor to be recognized by the best of the best” Lindell shared with us.
“This isn’t some toddlers in tutus type bull, it’s a chance to see two titans of business respect the heck out of each other next to America’s greatest restaurant.” said audience member and grift enthusiast Tug Erlandson. “Guys like them don’t get celebrated by lamestream media but this is real men do business! And wow, they really upped the ante on the production value this year.”
The ceremony consisted of Hecker at one end of the parking lot, stepping on top of a stage of Bankers Boxes filled with “misplaced” financial audit documents while a stereo played Kid Rock’s “Bawitdaba” which was Lindell’s cue to enter from the other side of the parking lot and do a little “crowd work” for the 18 unmasked people who showed up.
The night ended with Hecker and Lindell shotgunning beers, smashing the empty cans on their heads (which took Lindell three tries) and then returning to their respective cars to look at their phones for 45 minutes before exiting the parking lot.