Minneapolis Celebrates the Bare Minimum

The city of Minneapolis and the rest of the country are giddy in celebration after a corrupt justice system managed to accomplish the bare minimum of convicting a man who committed murder on camera. 

Derek Chauvin, a former police officer whose job was not actually to carry out extrajudicial killings, was found guilty on all three charges of unintentional second-degree murder, third-degree murder and second-degree manslaughter.  The conviction is seen as a major step forward for police accountability, especially since anything is progress compared to police being able to murder with impunity.

“Honestly, this one was a surprise,” said Steven Smith of Powderhorn. “We really dropped the ball with Philando Castile, Jamar Clark, Kobe Dimock-Heisler, Terrence Franklin, Thurman Blevins, David Smith, and Courtney Williams so the fact that Minnesota didn’t completely fuck this one up is huge for us.”