OPINION: I’ll Start A Thousand COVID Outbreaks If It Means My Daughter Bethany Gets To Finish Her Dance Team Season

Lately there’s been a lot of talk about how COVID variants are spreading due to varsity sports, and people who are OBVIOUSLY childless seem to think that it’s in everyone’s best interests to stop sports until numbers go down. Well, as a mother of a future dance superstar, I’m here to tell you that I’ll start a THOUSAND COVID outbreaks if it means my daughter Bethany gets to finish her dance team season. 

It’s like no one gets it—  these girls are athletes first, students second, and carriers of deadly disease third. In fact, I think everyone begging school districts to pause sports so they can “get the virus under control” is SELFISH and MEAN and they’re hurting my precious daughter’s chances of taking home a first place trophy at the state tournament. Bethany, my perfect and flawless daughter, deserves that trophy and you’re ruining everything for her, just because oh, you don’t want to be indoors and afraid for another six months. You’re being immature, and I’m sick of it.  

I hope that every single person who’s asking MY daughter to mask up and skip practice for two weeks gets COVID. I hope you all get the UK variant, and you know what? I think Bethany should give it to you. I think that as an apology to my graceful and powerful daughter, you should let her cough in all your mouths, because you’ve been really mean to her and she’s upset with you.

Come on. This is HIGH SCHOOL DANCE TEAM. I can’t think of anything that’s more important than a bunch of teenagers twirling and doing high kicks for a panel of adult judges. All you people do is talk about “community” and “sacrifice”. When was the last time you sacrificed every weekend from September to May, subsisting on only Maui Wowi and small bags of doritos, in order to attend dance tournaments? Never? Not once? You’d never make that kind of grueling time commitment, especially not on behalf of your child, especially not during a highly contagious pandemic? That’s what I thought, and that’s why YOUR daughters aren’t being scouted by Junior Colleges who are looking to expand their cheerleading program. MY daughter is, and she’s going to do better than you EVER could, just as long as her cough clears up before regionals!