Mayor Frey Rifling Through Closet of Performance Fleeces to Find Which One Best Conveys That He is Listening and Learning

MINNEAPOLIS — While the jury deliberates on a verdict for Derek Chauvin’s trial, Mayor Frey is currently in the midst of his own high-pressure decision to find a performance fleece from his collection that best conveys to the people of Minneapolis that he is listening and learning.

“In these difficult times, the people of our great city are looking to me and at me as a figure of openness and understanding and I need just the right outerwear to reflect that,” Frey tells us as he throws black, grey and navy fleeces of varying zipper length onto a near ceiling-height pile on his bed.

“Would this quarter-zip L.L. Bean look good as I solemnly nod in front of the courthouse?

Could this maroon Helly Hansen show folks I care as I furrow my brow on the cover of the Star Tribune? Will this slim-cut Arc’teryx convey that my heart is breaking and also that I am a good and handsome ally? It’s just so important that I look like a leader right now.”

After rifling through 246 performance fleece options, Frey settled on a black NorthFace to best represent his willingness to step back but not stay back. However, he did sustain a few splinters on his “fingies” from handling that many burnished cedar hangers.