The Coronavirus Hospitalized After Encounter with Michele Bachmann

Original photo by GAGE SKIDMORE

At the height of its global pandemic, the Coronavirus, also known as COVID-19, has reportedly been hospitalized after being exposed to former Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann.

Following an innocuous chance encounter with the first Republican woman from Minnesota to be elected to the House of Representatives, the infectious disease began displaying severe symptoms including shortness of breath and thoughts of fiscal conservatism.

“It’s scary to think that by just going outside you could unknowingly encounter the founder of the Tea Party Caucus,” Gary Max, an individual close to COVID-19 stated, referring to Mrs. Bachmann.

Having gone under emergency treatment following infection, the communicable disease is reportedly showing signs of recovery despite medical professionals calling a prolonged interaction with Michele Bachmann “lethal” and “a fate worse than death”.

While the pro-life anti-vaxxer has laid virtually dormant since her failed 2012 presidential campaign, public health officials have issued guidance on how to avoid Michele Bachmann in light of the Coronavirus’ hospitalization.

“The CDC recommends implementing extreme social distancing from Michele Bachmann,” a statement from the nation’s health protection agency read, noting “in fact, we recommend not interacting with any individuals that believe in conversion therapy as solid advice.”

As of press time, Michele Bachmann is in good health and was last seen criticizing the Obama administration and its handling of the Benghazi attack.