Aggressive Step-Dads, Gym Teachers Tapped To Fill Officer Shortage

With a record number of police officers quitting and calling in sick, Minneapolis Police Chief Medaria Arradondo is combatting the Minneapolis police shortage by recruiting the city’s most aggressive demographic: step dads and gym teachers.

“We’re excited to have the opportunity for our officers that better reflect our communities,” Arradondo shared on Twitter. “I want the streets of Minneapolis to make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells in a way that is so understated that if you told your mom about it, she would brush it off as you being too sensitive.

We want PD to also mean Plausible Deniability.”

Current officers with the department shared their excitement for new members to their brotherhood that also has a few women apparently. Josh Duhnam, full-time cop, part-time Facebook aggravator, shared his excitement for the prospect of home-grown bullies joining the ranks of professional bullies.

“When I think of my high school gym teacher, I think of someone who never told me to “calm down” or “don’t throw that chair across the classroom.” I remember someone who saw my rage as a tool to be pitted against other kids with rage – and catch a football from time to time”, said Duhnam.

Arradondo added that his own life experiences influenced his decision.

“I remember watching TV shows and seeing these men be aggressive toward young people that they barely knew. That is the exact type of person I can see really fitting in with my staff.”

When asked about what mental health resources and training would be implemented for the PD, Arradondo laughed for five minutes on the phone, hung up, and promptly blocked us on all social media.

Later he posted about his commitment to transparency and communication with the community.