DNR Introduces New Moose Species That Buries Its Dead

Investors and DNR fans are abuzz with excitement over the unveiling of a new type of moose that buries its dead at the DNR Expo Friday. DNR Commissioner Sarah Strommen, clad in a dark turtleneck and jeans, introduced the new moose in a slideshow presentation at the Minneapolis Convention Center to uproarious applause.

“For as long as any of us can remember, we’ve had to be content with moose that simply leave their dead relatives laying there on the ground but here at the Minnesota Department of Resources, the future is now,” said Strommen, “We are proud to introduce our most advanced moose model yet – the next step in moose innovation – the moose reimagined. We’re calling it ‘The Moose X’”

The new moose will be the first in the deer family and the first North American mammal to bury its dead. It will also perform a unique funerary dance and be the first non-human animal on earth to show evidence of a belief in an afterlife by burying individuals with a pile of birch shoots, presumably to be used as sustenance in the next life. 

“The innovations coming out of the Minnesota DNR are simply leagues ahead of the competition right now,” said industry expert Aaron Lang. “In comparison, the Wisconsin DNR just had their expo and literally tried to pass off an albino raccoon as a completely new species”.

While no official statement has been made about DNR’s future plans for the moose, this new animal is rumored to be part of the DNR’s ten-year plan to eventually design a moose that walks upright, uses tools, and creates rudimentary art.

“When I heard the DNR was working on something new, I was hoping for a new loon call but this blew me away,” said Jeff Duncan, a DNR super fan who waited in line for eight hours to see the presentation, “The DNR has outdone themselves yet again!”

The DNR says the new moose will have its official launch in April along with the “Moose Classic”: a rerelease of Cervalces Scotti, an 8 ft tall ancient moose species that went extinct 13,000 years ago.