Duluth Man Has All His Most Creative Panic Attacks While High

Photo by cottonbro studio

DULUTH — Explaining that it helps him come up with more interesting and original things to worry about, delivery driver Ethan Hughes, 28, is always insisting to friends and coworkers that his most creative panic attacks come to him after he smokes a little weed.

“Most of the panic attacks I have sober are just over boring things like how I’m going to pay rent,” said Hughes, “but after just a single good bong hit, my mind is racing with all sorts of fantastical things to fall on the floor trembling about.”

Hughes reports that just in the last few weeks, he’s had bouts of cannabis-induced anxiety about such creative worries as what would happen if the moon was a giant egg, if his dog ‘Sandals’ had been aboard the Hindenburg for some reason, and what the world would be like if humans had sex like anglerfish.

“Freaking myself out over the possibility that a supercomputer might malfunction and upload my consciousness into a smart fridge is way better than just freaking out because I have to work forever until I’m dead,” said Hughes, “though I guess I do worry about that when I’m high too…”

At press time, Hughes was starting to hyperventilate after utilizing the power of THC to vividly imagine what it’d be like to be put in the Boo Box from the 1991 film ‘Hook’.