It’s football season once again and there is nothing Minnesotans love more than showing their love for the Purple and Gold. And everyone knows the most hardcore fans take their team pride off of the field and into the bedroom. But can there be too much of a good thing? We asked Norma Clark, Dean of the College of Sex and Football at Globe University how many times a couple should shout “SKOL” when they’re getting hot and heavy.
“Clinical studies have shown a majority of Minnesotan couples have always shouted “SKOL” when climaxing,” said Clark. “It’s natural for us, in the heat of release, to scream the most primal and pleasurable word we know.”
However, recent peer-reviewed studies have shown that intimate Vikings activity is rising by 45%, which some attribute to residual excitement from last season’s Minneapolis Miracle. Clark says this isn’t cause for alarm, but at a certain point returns do diminish. “The beneficial results tend to drop off when shouting “SKOL” around 30 times- at that point, most neighbors call the police, or the nearest Packers fan, to get the individual in question to shut up.”
Vice President of the Vikings Fan Club and and Admissions Officer at the CSFGU, Richard Dean, argues that it’s less about science, and more about pride. “If shouting “SKOL” during regular human coitus is wrong, I don’t want to be right!” Dean adjusted his signature Randy Moss jersey in indignation and touched up his purple face paint as he continued: “If I’m turned on, I’ll whisper it. If I’m overwhelmed, I’ll weep it. If we “SKOL” back-to-back, well gosh darn, I’ll wear my Helga-hat.”
Clark did recommend that anyone with a “SKOL” lasting more than four hours should consult their doctor.