MINNEAPOLIS — After his recent loss to Tina Smith in the election to be a Minnesota senator, Republican Jason Lewis has faded from the political scene. His gun, however, is still smoking.
“That pussy and his hernia may wanna call it quits,” said the pistol-packing pistol, “but I ain’t done shootin’ off MY mouth yet. And that’s why I’m announcing my run: Gun Lewis 2026.”
The sidearm was featured prominently in television ads which showed the perfectly legal weapon being poorly handled by Lewis. While dooming Lewis’s chances, the commercials did successfully raise the profile of yet another inanimate Republican object.
“My 2026 candidacy may be a long shot,” said the frenetic firearm, “but I need to fill something full of holes besides Jason Lewis’s political ambitions.”