Lastest Mighty Act of God Pretty Fucking Inconvenient
Photo by Josh Hild
Once again, God has shown Minnesota His awesome might with an unholy amount of snow. There’s no doubt in our minds that His power is great! Exaltedly, we get the picture!
This week, His latest heavenly deed has Minnesotans praying for safe passage through the Cub Foods self-checkout line and for mercy with His disciple Xcel Energy. And when His children throw out their backs shoveling out their driveways only to get stuck, or to be dumped with several more sacred inches of god-powder the next day, they will smile and be glad, as they will know they are humbling themselves in the sight of the Lord.
God Himself spoke with The Nordly in a rare press interview and provided some guidance for believers in the blizzard’s strongest path. “Heed the Snow Emergency Parking Scriptures,” He said, “and you shall not covet your neighbor’s snowblower.”
God damn it.