NEW HOPE — With the calendar flipping to January, many Minnesotans are gathering positive thoughts and optimistic energy to help them prepare for the new year. New Hope city councilor Allison Johnson, however, is not one of them. At last week’s council meeting, the newly elected New Hope councilor revealed, ironically, that she has no hope for the coming year whatsoever.
“What’s there to get excited about?”, she lamented during her opening remarks. “We’ve got ancient retreads running for President, grocery and gas prices are skyrocketing, and have you seen our new state flag?! What’s the point of anything?”
Afterwards, New Hope city councilor Richard Moen, normally an upbeat and cheerful person, had to agree with his colleague’s mountainous piles of pessimism. “She made it abundantly clear that 2024’s gonna blow. I mean, look at the Vikings, for fuck’s sake!”
Councilor Johnson shared that her first piece of legislation will be to introduce a resolution at next month’s meeting aiming to rename the town to better reflect the newfound hopelessness that has gripped this Minneapolis suburb of 22,000.
“New Hope is going to become Suck Town,” said Johnson. “And I’d like to move quickly before Brooklyn Center nabs it.”
Brian Matuszak has been trying to make Duluth funny for 35 years now through the writing, directing, performing and producing of live sketch comedy revues, as well as scripted plays. His current theater company, Rubber Chicken Theater, will be celebrating their 15th birthday in 2023. He also wrote a weekly humor column for the Budgeteer News, creating nearly 400 columns over seven years. He can be found on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook (@rchickentheater). His interests include geocaching, time with family, and singing along loudly and proudly to Barry Manilow, not necessarily in that order.