Sociopath Looks Up Hinge Date On LinkedIn

ROCHESTER —  In a move that can only be described as disturbing, local sociopath Tanner Newkirk has used LinkedIn to pry into the life of a woman he went on a single date with. The woman, Madelyn Randall of Oronoco, is safe (if shaken) by the experience. 

“We matched on Hinge. I thought he seemed like a really cute, normal guy, so I asked him out to Chester’s Kitchen and Bar. We had a good time, and I thought everything was going great until I checked my email notifications the next morning, and lo and behold—  he totally went through my LinkedIn profile like a goddamn maniac.” said Randall. 

LinkedIn, an online business networking tool, allows users to receive alerts when someone is looking at their profile—  presumably to see if hiring managers are paying attention, and not for voyeurs to look at what peer-endorsed soft skills a romantic interest has. 

Newkirk has maintained that his bone chilling behavior was not out of line. 

“I have a right to know what software a romantic acquaintance is proficient in. And furthermore, my reasons for looking at an attractive young woman’s digital CV at 3 in the morning is no one’s business but mine,” he said in a public statement released earlier today. “Plus her Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter are all private- what else am I supposed to do?”

At time of publication, Randall has blocked Newkirk from Hinge after his request for a second date.