Adult Child Of Divorce Still Vows To Go Through Annoying Emo Phase

As her parents’ divorce paperwork was being finalized last week, local woman Meghan Harstead publicly vowed to still go through an annoying emo phase, despite being a fully grown adult. 

“They thought they could get out of this just because I’m twenty-five and I have a job,” said Harstead as she applied a thick ring of black eyeliner all the way around her eyes. “How could they do this to me?” 

Since the announcement of the divorce, Harstead has been spotted taking selfies in a cemetery, purchasing countless black clothes from Spencer’s Gifts, and scream-singing in her car to My Chemical Romance.

“No one even understands me anymore. Like, I have this darkness inside me and they don’t even know who I am,” whined Harstead as she sipped a pink Monster energy drink. “This world is so cruel.” 

Harstead went on to explain that her emo phase would be lasting “probably forever,” and that “this is just who I am now, so get used to it.” At publication time, she was getting ready to pierce her own lip with a safety pin in a gas station bathroom and debating reactivating her MySpace page.