BLOOMINGTON — A pile of dog crap long frozen in a snowbank on the side of Old Shakopee Road has finally been thawed and, like a tiny, malodorous Rip Van Winkle, is filled with confusion and uneasiness about the strange future it finds itself in.
The dog crap was first deposited in January and was perfectly preserved in its icy tomb until being freed by a warm spell earlier this week.
“At first I thought it’d only been a few days but then I noticed the people walking by were wearing short-sleeved t-shirts completely unlike the jackets in vogue during my time. I realized that fashion had advanced eons,” said the dog crap, “then I noticed the ad on the bench near me had changed from one for a realty company to one for a different realty company. I had been cast into a bizarre new epoch I could not begin to comprehend”.
The dog crap then solemnly recited a self-written haiku:
“I am lost and scared
Father Time has passed me by
I wish to go back”
At press time, a discarded cloth face mask had appeared from within the melting snow nearby, raising the dog crap’s hope that it may have found a friend.