Anoka resident and film buff Todd Perry, 29, can hardly wait until health professionals say it’s once again safe to go to a movie theater and also purse one’s lips up against a hot butter dispenser to suckle from it like a newborn calf.
“The last year has been really tough for me because going to the movies was always a big part of my social life. The last movie my work friends and I saw in theaters was ‘The Invisible Man’,” said Perry. “It seemed so mundane at the time, but all six of us leaning in at once to lap up a few pumps of warm buttery solution like thirsty dogs is a memory I will always cherish.”
Perry says that sometime in April, he tried microwaving a stick of butter and pouring it into his mouth via a funnel while watching the newest season of Better Call Saul but it “just wasn’t the same” and “caused horrible burns”.
According to the CDC, it should be safe to attend indoor movie theaters again once a majority of the population has been vaccinated but even then cautioned against drinking directly from a butter dispenser, saying “you should probably use a mug, ladle, or hat”.