CHANHASSEN — Now that most bars around Minnesota are running at full capacity, Chanhassen resident Wayne Sturtt is preparing for his imminent return to the scene by workshopping different ways to put his hands in his pockets and stand around the bar.
“Your bar stance is…damn, I mean, it’s everything. When you go to a bar, you gotta have a plan for what you’re doing with your arms and legs. Otherwise, you might as well go home,” Sturtt explains as he positions himself in front of the full-length mirror he glued to the back of his closet.
Sturtt’s go-to stance is what he calls “fist position” where he has his right hand in his right front pocket with the left hand free to hold a drink and leans his neck back about 15-20 degrees. However, Sturtt is working on a couple of new stances that he feels are some of his best yet.
“One that I’m really digging is the “relaxed reach around” where I’ve got my hands in my back pockets and I’m kind of doing a little bend with my right knee. This one’s going to be perfect for patios, and like being near women, yeah.”
However, Sturtt feels that his newest stance, which he plans to debut this upcoming weekend, is his greatest work yet.
“I worked hard on this one. The countless hours of tweaking, doing test runs with khakis and jeans, getting calluses from hooking my thumbs, and some serious tuck rashes on my hands that landed me in urgent care have all led me to this—the Hung Howdy.”
The Hung Howdy is where Sturtt loops his thumbs into his belt loops but instead of tucking his hands into his pockets, he lets them hang free. The piece de resistance however, is that instead of having both feet on the ground, Sturtt will occasionally allow his right foot to pop and rest on the heel for a period of time.
“When he first showed me his hung howdy I told him, you’re crazy, this is never going to work,” Sturtt’s best friend Matt Zoebel said, “but once he popped his foot I was floored. He’s changing the game for the rest of us, always raising the bar.”
While Sturtt won’t reveal which stance he’ll use this weekend, he’s happy to share what bar he’ll be doing it in.
“If anyone wants to see what I’ve been working on, they’ll have to come to Applebee’s this Saturday around 8:00. We’ll be ready.”