Dad Ceremoniously Opens Mahogany Box Holding Leather Sandals As First Day of Grilling Season Approaches

APPLE VALLEY — Now that the weather is consistently above 70 degrees, local dad Dan Erickson, has initiated the ritual he has completed every year since 1992—the unboxing of his leather grilling sandals.

After his 9:00pm glass of milk, Erickson made  his way to the back of his and his wife’s walk-in closet to retrieve the large mahogany box that holds the sacred sandals. “I stand before the altar of Dr. Scholl’s and hope that within these vessels I can deliver my family offerings from the grill that will strengthen us forever,” he said, eyes closed, kneeling before the box.

Erickson then rubbed his hands together, saying “hot diggity dog” three times before putting on a pair of white gloves and unclasping the brass lock on the front of the mahogany box.

Within the box, a pair of brown leather fisherman sandals sat atop crushed red velvet, illuminated by strings of LED lights.

Erickson then lifted the sandals from the box and brought the toes of the shoes to his lips and whispers “Your leather is my strength, Your straps are my salvation. Make me the grill daddy and I’ll provide You with another human soul, no reservations.”

After this, Erickson placed the sandals back into the mahogany box, removed his white gloves, put on a pair of black leather gloves, and grabbed a balaclava from the top of the shelf.