DNR Agent About To Be Cut In Half With Laser By Sinister Head Of International Criminal Angling Syndicate

Trapped inside an underwater lair somewhere in Lake Superior, DNR Agent Jack Whitlock has been handcuffed to a metal table where a deadly ceiling-mounted laser slowly inches toward him, threatening to bisect him vertically.

“I’m afraid this is the end for you, Mr. Whitlock,” said Dr. Ernst Bassfinger, the malevolent head of an international angling enterprise overseeing the brave agent’s torture. “Soon you will be dead and with you, the last hope of foiling my plot to hack into the DNR computer system and give myself a special license that allows me to keep as many walleye as I want with no size limits!”

Whitlock reportedly found himself in this perilous predicament after besting Bassfinger in a game of high stakes poker at Mystic Lake Casino. Whitlock had returned to his hotel room where he began to make love to the beautiful and mysterious Ms. Honey Goodkiss but was interrupted by armed goons. He quickly dispatched the intruders using hand to hand combat, only to be shot by a tranquilizer dart. In the seconds before fading out of consciousness, he turned to see Ms. Goodkiss lowering the smoking gun as a single tear rolled down her cheek and she begged him to forgive her betrayal. 

At press time, just as the laser began to singe the hem of Whitlock’s pants, Bassfinger turned his back for a moment, giving his victim just enough time to free himself using the sonic lock-pick feature of his standard-issue DNR “special utility ring”.