Eau Claire In Running To Host 2028 International Drunk Driving Games
Exciting news, sports fans! Eau Claire is on the shortlist of potential host cities for the 2028 International Drunk Driving Games! The city threw its proverbial ‘cheese hat’ in the ring for consideration alongside renowned drunk driving powerhouses St. Petersburg, Calgary, and Melbourne.
The International Drunk Driving Games were founded in 1908 as a way to bring the disparate nations of the world together in the noble spirit of operating a motor vehicle while intoxicated. They’ve been held every four years since, with the exception of 1940 due to the Second World War and 1984 due to organizers getting so smashed they completely forgot about it.
The Games would attract hundreds of thousands of tourists eager to witness in person the heart-pounding exhilaration of Red Light Running, the nail-biting excitement of Synchronized Reciting the Alphabet Backwards, and the nerve-wracking tension of Competitive Being Crushed By The Overwhelming Guilt Of What Happened That Fateful Night.
Eau Claire officials say tourism revenue would more than make up for the cost of building dozens of to-scale replica Kwik Trips that can be driven into for the Freestyle Crashing event.
“Our city is perfect for this. We have plenty of open space, a beautiful river, and a friendly population” said Eau Claire city council member Dan Meyer. “Plus, it’s super convenient because 90% of the country’s best drunk drivers live within ten miles”
Despite promises of a boost to the local economy, not all residents are happy with the prospect of hosting the games.
“The traffic would be an absolute nightmare” said Eau Claire resident Sam Becker. “It’d be like when we hosted the Drunk Hunting World Cup all over again!”
The International Drunk Driving Committee (IDDC) will reveal its official decision next month.