DNR Constructs Billion Dollar Observatory To Search For Signs of Trout In Space

Original photo by Skye Marthaler

Having learned everything there is to know about trout on earth, the Minnesota Department of Natural Resources is turning their gaze skyward. The department’s new 1.3 billion dollar observatory, built atop Eagle Mountain, is searching the stars for evidence of trout outside our solar system.

“We’re on the lookout for extrasolar planets exhibiting conditions ideal for trout life” said the DNR’s head astronomer Dr. Adan Omar, “especially ones with three main components: an oxygen-rich atmosphere, abundant liquid water, and just enough sun that you can be out there all day on your skiff and tan but not burn”.

Since the observatory began operating last month, the DNR says they’ve yet to find hard evidence of trout in space but experts say that’s no reason to give up hope.

“The fact is space is so incomprehensibly vast that it may take decades before we even catch a glimpse of what we’re looking for,” said famed theoretical physicist Michio Kaku, “plus we’d probably have to be looking at the planet in the early morning because that’s when trout are most active”. 

The mission is further complicated by the fact that trout on alien worlds could take very different forms than the ones here at home. 

“Extraterrestrial trout may be silicon – instead of carbon – based or have evolved to swim in streams of liquid methane” hypothesizes DNR astrophysicist Dr. Katya Osborne. “It’s even possible they could have evolved lemon sauce glands to streamline the grilling process.”

The DNR says they are planning on accelerating their search next year by teaming with SpaceX to launch “Angler 1” – a space probe equipped with advanced cameras, ultraviolet spectrometers, and a length of fishing line hooked to a fat, juicy nightcrawler.