Northern Lights Reportedly “Not Really Feeling It” This Year

COOK COUNTY — If you’re planning to safely get away from it all and be dazzled by some natural phenomenon this winter, you may want to change your plans if they included seeing the Northern Lights in Cook County. After this week, sources tell us the Aurora Borealis will take a hiatus from providing wonderment and awe as they are “not really feeling it” in light of a tremendously difficult year worldwide.

“We may not realize it but the natural world gets tired too,” Minnesota DNR representative Harold Billings told us. “You gotta put yourself in the shoes of the Northern Lights. Being a result of disturbances in the magnetosphere brought on by solar winds, causing the ionization of charged particles to produce a dazzling, dancing light display is hard work. Those are enormous shoes to fill and heck, I couldn’t do it, I don’t know if anybody could.”

For the rest of the year, the Northern Lights will reportedly stop filling up the night sky in the auroral zone and request that people find different avenues in which to project and process their feelings of insignificance and subsequent appreciation of their place in this big, crazy thing we call life.