‘East African Food Sure is Weird’ Says Man Eating Spam

MINNEAPOLIS – Isaac Bowman and his friend, Fizum Ahmed, were attempting to enjoy take-out from Midway’s Fasika, a local Ethiopian restaurant, when after receiving their order Bowman was shocked at the spread before him.

“It was really weird. I did the ordering and picked-up the food, the minute Isaac saw the plates of tibs, injera, and kitfo he immediately pulled out his emergency Spam.” Emergency Spam, as Bowman would later explain, is one of many cans he has in case things get too “ethnic”.

“I’ve been doing it all my life,” says Bowman. “Whenever people ask me to experiment with foreign food I just grab a can from the palette of Spam I keep in my room. I originally bought the palette for a trip to Costa Rica that got ethnic real fast.”

Bowman then began to eat from a tiny can containing wet meat rather than the freshly made food before him. “It was super aggravating, because I kept trying to explain what I was eating but he was too busy with the Spam.”

In spite of the fact that tibs was simply pieces of perfectly seasoned beef, Bowman was more interested in ingesting the salty, wet swine mixture. In the face of the information that injera was a delicious bread made from a protein rich grain, Bowman decided to eat the 96 grams of fat found in the block of pig meat. And although kitfo was a celebratory dish that has been perfected over hundreds of years, Bowman preferred the pink abomination scientists slapped together to help feed soldiers in World War II.

According to Ahmed, Bowman’s dedication to Spam has saved him from growing his palate and, as a person, numerous times. When introduced to noodles Bowman ran to Spam. Tacos? Spam. Lasagna? Spam.

“One time I gave him teriyaki-flavored Spam and he just scoffed and yelled, ‘nice try, but I’ve got Spam!’”, recounted Ahmed.

At press time, Ahmed was currently looking for a new roommate.